Why Some People Just Push Your Buttons


Chapter 11: Personality

Learning Outcomes

  • Describe how personality traits influence conflict and emotional reactions
  • Evaluate how personality and environment interact in social situations
  • Apply psychological reasoning to everyday interpersonal challenges

Key Terms

Five Factor Model
theory that personality is composed of five factors or traits, including openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism
personality
long-standing traits and patterns that propel individuals to consistently think, feel, and behave in specific ways
self-concept
our thoughts and feelings about ourselves
temperament
innate traits that influence how one thinks, behaves, and reacts with the environment
traits
characteristic ways of behaving

The Group Project That Got Personal

Desi, a first-year college student, was excited to work on her first group project in her Intro to Psychology class. She was paired with three classmates, including Alex, who immediately took charge. At first, Desi appreciated Alex's energy, but soon, she felt overwhelmed. Alex often interrupted her, dismissed her ideas, and insisted on doing things "his way."

"I don't know why, but he just pushes my buttons," Desi vented to her roommate. "I'm not usually this irritated by people."

In class, Desi learned about the Big Five personality traits, based on the Five Factor Model: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. She scored high in agreeableness and conscientiousness, while Alex seemed to display high extroversion and low agreeableness. Their personalities clashed, especially in stressful situations.

Their professor introduced the concept of temperament, explaining that some people are naturally more reactive or sensitive to conflict. Desi realized that her tendency to avoid confrontation was part of her temperament. She often used the obliging conflict management style, putting others' needs before her own to keep the peace.

But this time, it wasn't working. Desi felt anxious, frustrated, and unheard.

A person feeling lonely, separated from a group of their peers

The class discussed how conflict management styles can affect school adjustment. Desi learned that styles like integrating (working together to find a solution) and compromising (finding middle ground) are often more effective than avoiding or obliging. She decided to try a new approach.

At their next meeting, Desi calmly said, "I think we both want this project to succeed, but I feel like my ideas aren't being heard. Can we find a way to work together?"

Alex paused, then nodded. "Fair enough. Let's make sure everyone gets a say."

1. On Your Own

What describes the obliging conflict management style? Select the best answer.

Personality and Conflict

Research shows that personality traits and temperament influence how people respond to conflict. Individuals high in neuroticism may feel more stressed in tense situations, while those high in agreeableness may avoid conflict altogether. These traits are part of our personality, shaped by both biology and experience.

An illustration shows that people where people fall in the conflict management scale

The graphic shows that people low on the cooperative and low of the assertive scale use avoiding as conflict management. People that are high on the cooperative and low on the assertive scale use accommodating. People that are low on the cooperative and high on the assertive scale use competing, and people that are high on the cooperative and high on the assertive scale use collaborating.

Conflict management styles—like integrating, avoiding, obliging, dominating, and compromising—are strategies people use to handle disagreements. Some styles promote cooperation and emotional health, while others may lead to frustration or poor adjustment.

In Desi's case, learning to shift from obliging to integrating helped her feel more confident and respected. Understanding her own traits, and those of others, gave her tools to manage difficult interactions.

2. On Your Own

Determine whether the following statement is true or false.

The Big Five model includes openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism.

Desi's Growth

After the project, Desi reflected on the experience. She realized that her self-concept had shifted. She wasn't just someone who avoided conflict; she could speak up and still be kind.

A group of students talking and sitting in a circle on the floor

"I used to think conflict meant something was wrong," she said. "But now I see it as a chance to understand myself and others better."

3. On Your Own

What are considered adaptive conflict management styles? Select the two that apply.

Explore the Concept

Check out this quick video that reviews conflict management styles by comparing them to animals.

Reflect & Respond

Answer the following questions to reflect on key ideas from the case study. Remember to print your work before leaving this page!

  1. How do personality traits influence how people respond to conflict?
  2. What is the difference between temperament and personality?
  3. How can understanding conflict management styles improve relationships?
  4. Reflect on your own conflict style. How does it relate to your personality traits?
  5. How did Desi's shift to an integrating style change the outcome of the group interaction?

References

Burger, C. (2022). School bullying is not a conflict: The interplay between conflict management styles, bullying victimization and psychological school adjustment. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(18), Article 11809. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph191811809
This is an open-access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License (CC-BY 4.0).

Off The Record. (2020, September 29). Conflict styles | Off the record [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/pUI9-MwCmGM?si=1rSGo5imbUj7Ur82

Photo Credits

fizkes on Adobe Stock. "Diverse multi-ethnic friends sitting together in cafe talking having fun, focus on frustrated shy girl sitting separately by others teenagers feels unhappy because peers not accept her she is outcast."

VectorMine on Adobe Stock. "Conflict management with cooperative and assertive axis in outline diagram. Find compromise in middle of competing, collaboration, avoiding and accommodating educational scheme vector illustration."

K Abrahams/peopleimages.com on Adobe Stock. "Study, laptop and group of students on floor in project, research or planning, brainstorming and teamwork. Notebook, education and top of university student, friends or people collaboration in school."